Suzi and I last saw Solabeat Alliance on the 'Over The Moon' tour last May, and as soon as we found out they were playing a show near us on their latest tour, we jumped at the chance to interview them. So what had happened over the last 10 months? With a new face and a few new haircuts, Solabeat Alliance have been very busy. We caught up with Rick, Paul, Tim, Jeremy, John, Oli and Dan before their show at the Little Civic in Wolverhampton to talk about school, nicknames, advice, famous arses, films and annoying popstars. Read on if you want to tackle one of Rock Pulse's longest (and funniest) interviews!

Suzi: First of all, what have you been doing since we last spoke to you?

Rick: We've recorded an album, spent ages doing that.
Paul: Made a video.
John: Yeah, what else?
Paul: We've done a few shows here and there.
Rick: We played London Islington Carling Academy in December, that was cool. A decent crowd.
Dan: We, err,
Rick: Oh! We got a new bass player, this is Dan. (Pointing at Dan) Meet Golden balls!
Paul: And we're just making sure everyone knows our new name and stuff, now.
(Tom the roadie walks into the room, talking on his mobile.)
Rick: Tom! Can you take your call outside?
(Tom carries on talking)
Everyone: Tom!
Paul: We're doing an interview in here.
Tom: (Looking around) Oh, sorry! (Walks out of the dressing room)
(Everyone laughs)
John: That's Tom. He's a nice boy.
Rick: Yeah, he is a nice boy!
Paul: Make sure you get that on tape!
Rick: Good old Tom.

Jess: How long did it take you to record your new album, 'Island Fire'?

Paul: A long time.
Rick: Ooh, about 6 months.
John: 6 weeks.
Paul: Well, it took 6 weeks of actual recording,
Rick: Yeah, and then lots of other...messing about.
John: It was like in Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey when they get into the time booth at the gig, and they go away for years and years and years, and then come back at the same point in time and they've got their full set set-up in front of them.
Paul: Only it took us a long time to get into the phone box, and it took us about 6 months to get back out of it again!
Rick: Yeah, so it's been delayed, but it's not been delayed through any fault of ours.

Suzi: What's your favourite track off the album?

Paul: I think everyone will have different answers to that.
John: Mine is number 2, "Blindside".
Dan: That's number 3, mate!
(Laughing)
Dan: Same here, I vote for Blindside.
Jeremy: Me too.
Paul: So that's three for Blindside. Rick?
Rick: I like 'People of the World'. I don't know what number that is. I like the later numbers.
Paul: Mine's going to be Supersonic. Tim?
Tim: Supersonic.
Rick: Which we start with tonight, actually.

Jess: What are you listening to at the moment? Have you got any favourite bands?

Rick: I listened to 'Bewitched' this morning on the TV.
Dan: We like Coheed and Cambria at the minute.
Paul: Yeah, they're great.
John: I've been listening to a lot of Stevie Wonder recently, but I'm not sure he's counted as a band.
Dan: Sean Paul's been gracing my stereo quite a bit as well.
Paul: Yeah, not mine though. (Laughs)
John: And that pop one as well, what's it called? The 'ooh ohh - ohh ohh' one.
Tim: The Rasmus.
John: Yeah, that's alright. A good pop song.
Jeremy: Route 215, we've been listening to them.
Rick: Yeah, they're cool.
Paul: And sexy and stylish.
Rick: And swedish.
Paul: (Laughing) And Swedish.
Dan: We had a cool conversation about which one of Route 215 we'd like to shag.
(Lots of laughing)
Paul: Yeah, we won't go into that!

Suzi: Did any of you have nicknames at school and did you enjoy school?

Paul: I totally hated school and it's something that I put behind me and I don't even like thinking about it anymore.
Rick: You spent a lot of time there, didn't you?
Paul: I spent a lot of time with my head in the bin!
Rick: And smoking in the bushes.
Paul: I didn't do any smoking in the bushes. I pissed in the bushes.
Dan: What was your nickname?
Paul: I didn't have one.
John: Mine was 'Fluffy Fenkster'. (Sorry if I got your name wrong, John!)
Rick: Fluffy Fenkster?!
John: Yeah, that was because I was the first one to grow any facial hair.
Rick: Oh, I see! Bum fluff. And you didn't shave it off, did you?
John: No.
Rick: A fluffy beard, nice.
Paul: Did you enjoy *cough 3-30* school, Rick?
Rick: Yeah, I enjoyed my school, it was great. I didn't have a nickname, though. Just Rick.
Paul: Surely you did!
Rick: Yeah I had some other, rather derogatory ones, but I'm not gonna put those on tape.
(Laughing)
Jeremy: I was just 'Jeremy-wicked-brilliant-guy'.
(Lots of laughing)
Dan: My nickname was 'Zuess' because he was King of the Gods.
(Lots more laughing)
John: School wasn't that good, it was just something to... further...(trails off)
Rick: We know what school is, John.
(Laughing)
Jeremy: I thought school was wicked, I loved it.
John: I wouldn't want to be back, though.
Rick: Tim! How about you?
Tim: (Looking up from his lap top) What?
Rick: Did you enjoy school?
Tim: Yes.
Rick: And did you have any nice nicknames?
Tim: Droopy.
(Lots of laughing)
Rick: Right.

Jess: What's the best advice you've ever been given?

Tim: Sack John.
(Laughing)
Tim: Haven't fucking done it yet, though!
John: That's me, by the way. They're going to sack me by the end of the day.
Tim: We will by the end of the tour!
Jeremy: Best advice...I'm sure we've been given some good advice.
Rick: Yeah, that's the trouble. You never remember good advice.
Paul: No, you don't.
Rick: I think the best advice is "always remember good advice."
Tim: "Shut up, doors open in 5 minutes."
(Laughing) Jeremy: "Get out of the way, you tosser."
(More laughing)
John: I can't think of anything my Mum's ever said.
Paul: I can! The only advice your Mum ever gave me was always bring your record of achievement and stuff to your mock exams, which I didn't bother doing. John's Mum did my mock exams at school, and I failed big style! She didn't give me the 'job'.
Tim: Mock interviews?
Paul: Yeah, your mock interviews at school.
Rick: Weren't you head boy at your school, Jeremy?
Jeremy: Yeah.
Rick: Really?
Jeremy: No!
Rick: Oh.
Jeremy: I was coolest boy.
Tim: No, Jeremy was 'Head' boy.
(Lots of laughing)
John: What people love about our interviews is that you can never work out who said what, so you just put random names. (Jess: Damn right, I'm not even sure if it was John who said that, but he'll do.)
(Oli walks in): Does anyone mind us being filmed tonight when we play?
Paul: Erm, I do.
Rick: Yeah, if you could just obscure our faces with those pixelly things, that'll be alright.
Jeremy: And my knob, if it pops up.
Oli: You want to replace his face with your knob?
(Laughing)
Rick: Yeah, could you do that with all our knobs?
Oli: So it looks like you have a big armadillo? OK. (Walks out)

Suzi: Can any of you speak any foreign languages?

Rick: I can't.
Paul: John can speak Rygilian, which by astonishing coincidence is exactly the same as the English language.
John: None of us can speak anything, I'm sorry to be boring.
Tim: That's such a lie, you big bitch.
John: Sorry.
Rick: Tim does. Tim speaks a bit of french. And a lot of
Tim: Cock.
(Lots of laughing)
Rick: Stunt cock! (Laughs some more)

Jess: Do any of you have any skills or talents other than playing your instruments?

Rick: I don't think we can count playing our instruments as skills.
Paul: I can do the wristwatch.
John: I can't clap my nails. Clap my nails? I mean click my fingers, I can't do that.
Rick: Can you clap with one hand?
(Everyone sitting on the sofa tries to clap with one hand, without much success.)
Rick: (Laughs) I knew a guy who could clap with one hand. He clapped with both hands, but individually. Like this (demonstrates.)
Paul: I can do wristwatch and windmill, those are my two talents.
John: I play the recorder.
Paul: That's an instrument.
John: Oh yeah.
Paul: Jeremy can put his cock entirely inside his balls!
(Lots of laughing)
Dan: Jeremy can spread his scrotum across a pint glass.
(The response to this is lost in all the laughing and as one of the support bands started playing downstairs at this point, the answers to the next few questions might not be 100% correct!)

Suzi: Does all your work consist of touring or do you play private parties too?

Rick: You mean like birthday parties? Yeah, we do that.
John: We do most weddings, bar mitzvahs, parties.
Tim: Christenings.
Rick: (Laughing) Christenings!
Tim: Funerals. (Laughing)
Paul: Kid's parties.
Tim: We've been invited to play Colour the Virgins this year.
Rick: (Laughs) We get to do it nude and covered in blood, which we're quite happy with!

Jess: Who organises the dates and the venues of tours?

Rick: Tim and Paul at the moment.
Paul: We used to have a man who did it, but he had to go because-
Tim: Of the shellsuit.
Paul: Yes, and the height problems.
Tim: He was a tiny, tiny man.
Paul: Yeah, this tour it's been me and Tim.
John: I think every member of the band has done it at some point.
Paul: Not John, though.
Tim: You lying shit!
Rick: We like John, though. Let's get that on tape!
Jeremy: We do like him, because he takes all the shit from us!
(Laughing as John smiles)

Suzi: If you were a girl for a day, what would you do?

(Lots of noise as the whole band starts talking at once, obviously very enthusiastic about the question!)
Paul: Feel myself all day!
Jeremy: Man, I'd put my fingers right up!
(Lots of laughing from everyone.)
Jeremy: All day! It would be brilliant!
Rick: I'd probably go to the Supermarket and investigate phallic vegetables and stuff!
Jeremy: And get the rampant rabbit.
Paul: I'd shave my pubes into a downwards arrow!
Rick: It would be cool to be a girl, but not for very long.
Jeremy: No, because then you'd have to deal with rubbish stuff.
Rick: (Laughing) Yeah, like child birth. That's rubbish!

Jess: If you were a chair, who would you want to sit on you?

(Laughing)
Jeremy: That girl out of that film, 'Lost in Translation', Scarlett Johanssen. It starts off with her arse on the screen,
Dan: Yeah, for about 30 seconds, then it starts twitching a bit.
Jeremy: Yeah, we went to see it at the cinema and they fucked up the reel and they had to start again, so we had to see her arse again for another 30 seconds! It was brilliant. I'd love her arse on my chair! I mean, on me, if I was a chair. (Laughing)
Paul: So would the seat bit of the chair be your head? I'd get Rick to sit on it.
Rick: That's beautiful, that is. I'm touched.
(Oli walks in the room again) Oli: What's this?
Paul: Oli, if you were a chair, who would you want to sit on you?
Oli: Liv Tyler.
(Laughing)
Oli: She could sit on me again and again, no panties!
Paul: I'd have her sit on me if I were a Man,
Oli: You're not a man.
Paul: Well, I am. But if I were a chair, I wouldn't want her to sit on me, because what could you do? You'd just sit there watching her, probably have sex with someone else on the chair!
Jeremy: I think they're saying if you were a chair, but were still aware of the fact that-
Oli: A big, sausage carrying chair?
Paul: I think they mean that they'd be sitting on your head, effectively, is that right?
Oli: So what if you were sitting on a chair and you suddenly realised that the chair had a fierce erection, who would you hope that the fierce erection would belong to?! Now that's a question for you!
(Lots of laughing)
Oli: Did you guys have the 'which member of Route 215 would you most like to shag?' question?
(Laughing)
Jeremy: I'd take Nick everytime, he's a lovely boy!
Rick: Nick was third on my list, I think.
Oli: No, you should always go for the drummers first!
John: You know, we didn't actually have that as a question.
Oli: Oh, maybe you shouldn't mention that in the interview, then...
(Lots of laughing)

Suzi: Which celebrity would you most like to beat up and why?

Jeremy: Beat off? (Laughing)

Suzi: Beat UP!

Jeremy: Is it wrong to say Michelle from Pop Idol? I know she's a girl, but I fucking hate her! And that other fat one...(lots of laughing from everyone) from You've Been Framed...Lisa Riley!
Oli: Will Young.
Paul: Yeah, I hate Will Young.
Rick: He's got a nice face.
John: He's a really nice boy!
Jeremy: I've never met him.
Rick: I'd much rather beat up Gareth Gates! Or...Blazin' Squad! I hate them.
Jeremy: No, I like them.
Dan: Yeah, but they'd out number you 12 to 1.
Rick: I could still take them.
(Laughing) Jeremy: What about that prick that wrote that Cha-cha song that was at Number 1 a couple of weeks ago? Yeah, I'd beat him up.

Jess: If you could star in the remake of any film, what would it be and who would you play?

John: I'd want to be the guy that Dennis Hopper plays in Blue Velvet!
Dan: I'd be Rocky.
Jeremy: Spunky Birthday. I'd play the guy who's birthday it is.
Paul: I'd play Robert Deniro in Taxi Driver, and just shoot someone's hand off with a magnum. "You talkin' to me?" And "You fuck my wife?!" That was something else...that was Raging Bull. Yeah, I'd be him actually.
Rick: "I ask you again, you fuck my wife?!"
Oli: Hey, someone's got to go to the van, someone's got to go to hospital.
Rick: Why have they got to go to hospital? And why have they got to go in our van?!
Oli: No, it's in the way.
Rick: Oh, right. (Laughs)
Oli: Paul, do you want to park it in the next road?
(Paul gets up and leaves the room, he and Oli go outside and we hear a big roar from the corridor.) Rick: What was that?!
Jeremy: That was...Oli...
John: Erm, yeah, we were talking about films and he wants to be...
Dan: The Incredible Hulk. Yeah, he was doing an impression, I think it's quite good!
(Laughing)

Suzi: Would you ever like to star in a Spinal Tap style documentary?

Rick: Oh yeah, definitely.
John: That would be very funny indeed. We've often thought that would be a good video concept, just following us around. It would be quite boring sometimes, in the van, but it would be good.
Jeremy: It would be laugh-a-minute.
Dan: Constant caper!

Jess: What have you got planned next?

Rick: Erm, Tim?
Tim: Make lots of money.
Rick: We want to do some more tours, one in June, maybe one in August, and maybe one in November. We want to just keep doing what we're doing and selling our record.
John: We're doing another video, aren't we?
Rick: Oh yeah, another video in the Summer.
Dan: Just promoting our album, really.

Jess: Is there anything you can't do without on tour?

Rick: No, just Saxophone for me. I find it helps.
Jeremy: Clean pants!
Rick: Oh, mobile phone. You can't go anywhere without one. Apart from that there's nothing we really need. There's a Silver Spoon in our van that always comes with us, for other reasons..!
Jeremy: And an axe. Double headed.

Jess: Do you get on each others' nerves a lot and start fighting?

John: (Indicating the corridor where we heard the 'roar' come from) No, we never do!
Jeremy: When you find that perfect relationship with someone, you just get on.
Rick: It's beautiful.
Dan: Obviously, 8 people living in a van half the size of this room gets a bit irritating, but we love each other really.
John: Yeah, we always kiss and make up!
Jeremy: The best bit about fighting is the making up afterwards! (Laughs)
Rick: It's a beautiful thing!

Suzi: Is there anything else you'd like to say or promote?

Rick: No, just buy our album. It's out now.
John: Watch out for our video on Scuzz.
Rick: Yeah, vote for that.
Dan: Keep coming to our shows, that would be nice.
Jeremy: It would be rubbish if people stopped coming.
John: Sorry, I'm trying to think of something witty and funny to say,
Rick: Don't. (Laughs)
John: I don't think there's anything in my tiny mind-
Rick: Even that wasn't very funny.
John: It wasn't supposed to be!
(Laughing) Rick: Yeah, I think that's all we have to say.

Thanks so much to all the band for the very funny interview (and Tom for taking the photos)! We both had a great time and their set was brilliant! Check out www.solabeat.com for more info about them, remember to vote for their new video, 'All or Nothing' on Scuzz (Sky Channel 471), and make sure you check them out if they're playing at a town near you! Suzi's also written a review of their new album 'Island Fire', you can read it here.

Carrying on the tradition, John is once again sent to the corner.