"I know that my TV has been ruined."

I don't know about you, but I like nothing more than sitting around on a lazy night and watching some good quality TV. Some of my favourite shows are Have I Got News For You, Friday Night With Jonathan Ross, Dead Ringers, Jonathan Creek and generally stuff like that, or around that genre.

Sadly, I will not be able to sleep easy at night for a while. Because I know that my TV has been ruined by a certain seemingly never-ending show. Big Brother. Now, I watched the first series, because it seemed like an interesting show format. When I realised how terrible and mind-numbingly boring it actually was, it soon made it's way to my "No" list. I've made every attempt to avoid watching it, but I regularly flick through the papers, and have got no choice but to see the pathetic headlines which take up more space than the war now. I think there's about 2 regular, heterosexual people this time round. There's also one particularly annoying boss-eyed little freak called Kitten. Forgive me, but I thought kittens were cute, lovable creatures. This particular Kitten is pure trash. I watched 7 minutes of Big Brother on Friday night, for the good of this here column. I was disgusted with what I saw.

For a start, this Kitten thingy was evicted from the house, for breaking too many rules, and she refused to leave. Oh, the rebellion of it all. So Big Brother started to deduct prize money from the contestants. Which is a complete waste, anyway. Do you or I get £100,000 for sitting around all day? I wish. Anyway, once this Kitten freakette finally left the house having wasted a good few thousand of the eventual winner's money, she stormed over to Davina, before posing in front of press cameras, raising her middle fingers, and screaming at the press: "This is for the Queen, and this is for aristocracy!" I'd never been so glad for an advert break in all my life.

I know, hang on let me count... 2 people who watch it. One of them is my mom, one of them is my friends mom. After 5 series, Channel 4 still haven't realised it simply isn't working. And they actually thought that putting on a pint-sized braindead idiot like Kitten would boost ratings. If they think that a Queen-hating rebel is going to improve viewing figures, they are sadly mistaken. And to think, this crap is actually before D-Day memorials in the papers!

This is my second column, and I haven't had the chance to talk about something good yet. Hopefully that'll change soon...

Thanks for reading.