March 28th, 2004 - Kirst

Hey peeps… I’m moving to my new house in 2 days and I’m uber excited… Why does everyone get so touchy when they move though? My mom has almost thrown me out twice, haha… Things change, and it’s weird to think about it really. I could walk ‘round this place with my eyes closed. Been here 8 years, and now we’re moving it’s like… “Huh?” Ah well. It’s the same with lots of things. Like if your mate moves school… You say, “Oh, we HAVE to stay friends” and you don’t see them again… For a few days it’s like “Aww damn” But you get over it. Sorry, but it’s true. My friend went to a private school about a year ago, we talked online less and less, couldn’t meet up then we stopped talking all together. Everything changes… Even feelings. Weird, huh? Like how you say you’ll love someone ‘till eternity ends but 6 months later you’re doubting everything. Not always, but sometimes… Aren’t dreams fucked up? I dreamt about an orange lollypop the other night. Fun. Anyway, back on topic… Some changes are good (different places, new people to meet) and others are messed up. It’s just getting … hmm… the balance right in a way, or just knowing how to deal with it. I mean, never EVER say, “Oh, I’ll think about how I feel” because you won’t, and even if you try to, it doesn't get anywhere. You’re just sitting there dwelling on what’s wrong with what you’re doing, or whatever. Similar situation – When Mom or Dad says, “What do ya want to eat then?” You say you’ll think about it, but you don’t. You go away doing something else and then they ask you again, and ONLY then do you come up with something on the spur of the moment. Likewise, good changes are like when you’ve never done something like going Ice Skating and you’re dreading it but you have the best time ever, even though you may fall over a few times, you laugh it off. Raises confidence too. Other changes in life, bigger ones but small in a way… Stereotyped class! Like “Goth” “Punk” “Townie” “Geek” … I think I’ve been every one of those. And now I’m nothing. I’m just there. Me. No one, what I want to be… People change tastes, friends, homes, jobs… Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worst, and for whatever reasons (influence, choice, or just because you need to)… It’s weird to think that not much really stays the same… Then again, if they did always stay the same, it’d be really boring wouldn’t it? Wouldn’t really be worth getting up every morning. Just knowing what’s going to happen. Not knowing may make you paranoid sometimes… But the world is spontaneous. Thanks for reading. Kirst x